The 10 Biggest Things You Need to Know About the iPhone 7

It’s here! It’s (almost) finally here! The shiny new iPhone!

I think we can all agree that new iPhone announcements pretty much reduce us all to the equivalent of the apes at the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Or the little three-eyed aliens worshipping ‘the claw’ in Toy Story. “The phonnnnne!”

Needless to say, we’re pretty stoked about the new iPhone ourselves (and pretty stoked about getting some new iPhone cases – pre-order your 7 and 7 Plus cases here!) If you didn’t get a chance to check out all the shiny new features, here’s a quick little catch-up on the 10 biggest things you need to know about the iPhone 7.

We are all Fry rn, and Fry is all of us

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1. Hit the Road, Headphone Jack

Say goodbye to your favorite headphones for now – there’s no place to plug ’em into the new iPhone. Instead, the iPhone 7 has two options: headphones it comes with that plug into the same spot you use to charge the phone, or “AirPods” – wireless Apple headphones that run for $159 and launch next month. Beats also have their own AirPod-like buds launching soon.

*Update! You will NOT have to ditch your headphones, the new iPhone comes with an adapter! 

2. A Better, More Vivid Display

Fitted with a retina HD display with cinematic color, colors will be way more vivid and images a lot crisper on the 7.

“Video Games Ruined My Life” by Lawrence Pernica

3. Better Graphics (That Won’t Drain Your Phone)

The graphics of the new iPhone were compared to those of console gaming. Of course, we all know that gaming on an iPhone leads to a battery that goes from 80% to 10% in about five seconds. Luckily, the 7’s chip processes stuff 40% faster, and the graphics card processes 50% faster than the 6S and 6S Plus, which helps preserve battery life. So no more budgeting battery life to play Pokemon Go or the new Super Mario Run game that was also announced at the conference. 

Speaking of that battery life…

4. More Battery Life

Thanks to all that quicker processing, the 7 Plus will offer one more hour of battery life than the 6S plus, and the 7 will offer two more hours of battery to boast. 

“I’m Listening” by Je-Yeon Kim

5. Double Camera Lens and Better Selfies

I’ll tell you about the fancy new double lenses…but first, let me take a selfie (with the 7’s auto-stabilizing front-facing camera with a much wider color range…Snap Chat’s dogface filter is gonna look that much better, guys).

The dual lenses consist of one wide-angle lens and a telephoto lens, which is basically the perfect formula for better photos, way better zoom, and better low-light images. All this plus the camera’s new ability to sense that annoying artificial light flicker that can ruin pics.

6. More Storage

Bad news if you just have three photos and five songs to store in your iPhone: no more 16 GB iPhone. The new iPhone will start at 32GB of storage and will go all the way up to a whopping 256GB, which is nice if you’re like me and want ALL the new apps, but also have 13,000 photos and still refuse to delete Flappy Bird. 

“MTN LP” by NDTank

7. Better Speakers

Forget the old days of carrying a stereo on your shoulder and jammin’ out down the sidewalk like every other ’90s character – the new iPhone has stereo speakers (double speakers) that throw twice as much sound. So we may not have the headphone jack, but we’ve got this…not a band sound trade-off.

8. Water & Dust Resistant 

No more throwing your phone in a bag of rice after getting caught in a drizzle. The new phones will be water and dust resistant. I mean, don’t go taking it in the ocean. But if you splash some water on it, you can rest a little easier. But, cracked screens suck. Pre-order a case or heavy duty case to protect your precious new iPhone 7 or 7 Plus cargo!

9. But What’ll It LOOK Like? 

The iPhone 7 will be available in the usual gold, silver, and rose gold, but will also be offered in both jet black with a shiny glossy finish, as well as a black matte aluminum. The future is matte. But, let’s be real, we’re all gonna want fun phone cases anyways.

10. Basics

The iPhone 7 starts at $649, while the iPhone 7 Plus starts at $769. The little monolith-of-technology itself, the iPhone 7, launches officially on the 16th…but if you don’t want to wait in blocks-long lines feelin’ like a n00b, pre-order starts September 9th! 

(Sources: Thank you USA Today for the minute-by-minute breakdown of the conference and Telegraph.)

Featured image features the “Awesome 5000” iPhone case by Mike Mitchell, the hat is “Stay Focused” by Eric Zelinski, and the shirt is “Whiskey on the Rocks” by Agu Luque.


Dress up your new phone sooner: Order an iPhone 7 Case Now!

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Carlyn Hill

Dad joke aficionado, cartoonist, & contributor for sites like HelloGiggles and The Mary Sue by night. When I'm not writing or drawing, you can find me in my cave of a room hanging out with my boyfriend, Netflix.