Your Ulti-Mutt Pet Parents Gift Guide

Extravagant cat birthdays. Corgis with condos. Mastiffs with manicures. Was that a rottweiler you just saw in that baby stroller? You’re not imagining it: we freakin’ love our pets. And research is showing people really, truly are parenting their animal companions!

Some weirdos (definitely not me) even have elaborate imaginary backstories for their fur-children. Like a Gollie named Jolene—sporty, outgoing, nothing like her mother—who was the first female quarterback in her high school. (Totally hypothetical example.) Or the middle, angsty son, Ricky, a black cat who writes terrible spoken-word poetry and secretly cries when his favorite contestant is voted off The Great British Baking Show. (Again. Totally hypothetical.) Or the painfully shy Bobby Meatloaf, a tabby who keeps working sound in the school play, even though he knows, deep down in his fluffy soul, he wants to be the star. (Bobby, honey, if you’re reading this, you were born for the spotlight, baby.)

Well, that got weirdly personal. But that’s what pets do! They make you smile, they make you sigh, they ruin your furniture and warm your heart. These days especially, pets are family. That’s why we’ve assembled a guide to help you find gifts for all the loving pet parents in your life. And with the Animals Cause, some of the designs you’ll see donate to organizations protecting pets and wildlife around the globe. Those designs are listed in bold!

Plate-Sharing Pet Parents

Okay, we understand some people foods are toxic to pets. Obviously, those are big no-nos. But who said pups can’t lick the gravy off the plate? Sounds like something a mailman would say. Pass the plate, bud. Besides, snacks are always better when they’re shared!

Unbelievably Patient Pet Parents

“Wittle baby murder mittens” and “Precious panther,” these pet parents baby talk. Meanwhile, their hands look like a scene from Saw 4 and their cat has evicted not one, but three houseguests who couldn’t take the hissing and biting. They’re raising Sweeney Todd and you’re pretty sure you’re going to find them murdered in their home. But, hey, someone’s gotta love Stabby McClawface.

Underdog Adopters

Blind black cats. Three-legged pitbulls. Any ragged, lonesome, longtime shelter rejects. Bring ‘em in! These pet parents are softies in the best way. They go out of their way to love on the underdogs, and we can’t thank them enough for it!

Fashionista Pet Parents

They say people look like their pets. Some of those pets are lucky enough to be adopted by a fashionista. Sweaters, bowties, and bonnets. These pets have a bigger closet than the average toddler, and they’re pulling the numbers on Instagram. The sidewalk is their runway. Even the poo bags are pretty! Ugh, how do they do it?

Bar Patio Pet Parents

Normally it’s not cool to walk your baby to the bar patio, put a bowl of water on the ground, then let every stranger on the patio pat their head and give them kisses while you enjoy a few cold ones. But when it’s a fur-baby, you don’t have to give up a little night life. We love a good pup crawl!

Pet Dads

Pet Dads
Featured Designs: “Cat Daddy” Men’s Regular T-Shirt by tamaskovacs | “Dog Hug” Men’s Triblend T-Shirt by veggiecruelty | “Cat Dad” Men’s Longsleeve by lacychenault

Playing catch. Fishing. Camping. They may not share DNA, but he’s definitely dad!

Armchair Cat Analysts

People who say cats don’t have emotions just don’t get cats. People who get cats say, “He’s the most passive-aggressive, loving, hateful little turd in the world. I would die for him.” There is no middle ground. These designs are perfect for that cat parent who is constantly trying to psychoanalyze their complex cat.

Pet Moms

Pet Moms
Featured Designs: “Cat Lady” Ringer Unisex T-Shirt by 5EyeStudio | “Ankle Biter” Tote Bag by annalisaillo | “Demon Dog” Women’s Dolman T-Shirt by classycreeps

Matching nails and bandanas, Starbucks runs for a puppaccino, and a good old girls night watching Legally Blonde (Bruiser Woods is iconic). There’s no one more spoiled and beloved than the pet with a pet mom!

Cuddling Couch Potatoes

Pet parenting isn’t all action-packed adventure and dog parks. Cuddle time is an important piece of the pet parenting puzzle. Some might argue it’s the most important!

Whether the animal lovers in your life have mutts or purebreds, hamsters or horses, an only fur-child or whole pack, you’ll find Threadless gifts that speak to the unconditional love they have for their furry pals. To all the pet parents out there, keep it up!

The design featured at the top of this post is “I Like Dogs” by nisafiin.

Molly Butler

Dog walker and freelance humor writer. Finishing up MFA in Creative Writing. Twitter addict and serial houseplant killer.